Relationships aren’t easy. Regardless of how mature you are or how many people you’ve dated, it takes work for relationships to thrive. A good amount of that work should happen in the beginning.
New relationships are exciting, making you feel butterflies and optimism about a new shared future. Unfortunately, because of these emotions, many people become oblivious to red flags and fail to ask questions. Missing these vital signs makes it more likely that your relationship will fail the test of time.
Before you jump all in, there are some things you need to consider and questions you should ask your new partner. Ranging from whether they’ve been tested for STIs to how they like to communicate, here are six things to consider in a newly minted relationship:
1. Make Sure There Is Clarity
Dating isn’t as straightforward as it was a decade ago. Today, people can find both long-lasting and short-term relationships online. Not everyone is looking for a monogamous relationship.
With that in mind, it is important that you and your new partner be clear on where you two stand. For example, are you just “talking?” Are you in a relationship? Are you exclusive, or are you both able to date other people? These are essential questions to ask to ensure both sides are on the same page.
2. Talk About Sex
Sometimes people get so caught up in new relationships that they forget to talk about sexual health. While it might be uncomfortable, this conversation is important for keeping yourself healthy and your relationship moving forward.
Discuss your likes and dislikes in the bedroom. If either person has a rule to wait a week or so before getting intimate, make sure that information is known.
Ask your new partner when they last underwent STI testing. It may come as a surprise, but sexually transmitted infections are incredibly common. In fact, according to the Centers for Disease (CDC), one in five people in the United States have a STI. The only way to diagnose one is through testing, considering many people don’t develop symptoms at all.
Talking about sexual health with a new partner probably won’t be the most comfortable conversation. But honestly, if you can’t talk to your significant other about uncomfortable topics, they may not be the right person for you.
3. Set Communication Expectations
We all communicate, but we all communicate differently. Chances are, you’ve had relationships where communication was an issue. Maybe your partner liked texting throughout the day, while you preferred to ignore your phone until evening. It’s issues like these that can ruin an entire relationship.
According to research, communication issues are one of the main reasons couples break up. This is why it’s important to talk to your partner upfront about communication styles and ask how — and how often — they like to be contacted. And vice versa. If you dislike getting phone calls during the workday, say so. If they say they find texting too impersonal, take that on board.
There’s a good chance you won’t have the exact same communication style, and that’s perfectly OK. What’s important is that you know what the other person prefers, so you can do your best to make each other happy.
4. Pay Attention to Red Flags
Let’s talk about red flags. A red flag is something you see in the other person or the relationship as a whole that tells you something isn’t right. They’re usually present in the beginning when the flush of infatuation might prompt you to ignore them. Don’t.
For example, maybe you caught your partner in a lie, or they raised their voice during a disagreement. Maybe they were disrespectful to the waiter the first time you went out. These may seem like small, one-time occurrences, but they could point to recurring themes.
Your partner isn’t perfect, and neither are you. Don’t jump the gun and break up if they say something you disagree with — that’s common. A red flag, on the other hand, is a gut feeling that something’s fundamentally wrong. If you sense that at the beginning of your relationship, take it as a sign to move on.
5. Leave the Past
Everyone has baggage that makes them who they are. Whether that baggage comes from past relationships or even family members, it can influence the dynamics of a new relationship. It can, that is, if you let it.
Fortunately, you don’t have to bring past dating problems into a new relationship. You can leave your baggage behind. How? Step one is by avoiding comparisons. Don’t jump to conclusions about a new love interest simply because they do something that reminds you of your ex.
New partners are not your old ones, so don’t treat them as such. The person you’re dating will probably have similarities — after all, many of us have a “type” — but they are a unique individual. Get to know that person without subjecting them to preconceptions.
6. Don’t Lose Yourself
In new relationships, it’s all too easy to make a new love interest into your entire world. While there’s nothing wrong with spending time with your partner, don’t stop living your own life. It’s important to continue participating in activities that you love, whether that’s spending time with family and friends or keeping up with hobbies.
Too often, people put everything they have into a new romantic relationship. Unfortunately, doing this can cause you to lose some of your independence and identity, messing with your self-esteem in the long run. Feeling good emotionally and mentally will help you be a good partner.
You’re just getting to know your new love, and you might not feel comfortable initiating certain conversations. But if you want the relationship to work, you both need to be able to open up and be honest. By being honest and true to yourself, you’ll stay the person they fell for — which is the ultimate strategy for romantic success.
