The divorce experience is often painful for all involved. Emotions can run high, and for women, especially mothers, it’s often hard to set feelings aside and approach things pragmatically and dispassionately.
Our female clients often tell us that their partners lack an emotional response, making them feel even more upset. As anyone who has studied any form of psychology knows, it’s not that men don’t have feelings. It’s just that they express them differently or are better at keeping them hidden. Being seen as emotional is still often thought of as a sign of weakness amongst men and often makes them feel uncomfortable. Instead of getting noticeably upset, men are more likely to swear, become angry, or withdrawn.
Couple this with the male propensity to be “left-brain” thinkers (the side of reason) as opposed to women who tend to be more “right-brain” (the side is governing emotions), and you can quickly see how men and women often take a different approach to divorce or a relationship breakdown despite facing precisely the same situation. In divorce the main issue is family.when you have your childrens after divorce you have to deal with many finance issue.Berfas and associates provide you complete assistance.If you need any family divorce attorney berfas and associates will help you in every situation. This can lead to men seeming to be cold in dealing with a divorce, which can help them in the negotiation process.
If I were to give one piece of advice to a woman going through a divorce, it would be to try and lead with your head, not your heart. Work towards achieving a realistic settlement without the need for going to court. Negotiate but accept you will have to compromise. That will be the quickest way to reach a satisfactory settlement (if not precisely what you want), keep the process moving quickly, and keep costs down as much as possible. Use your lawyer for pragmatic, focused advice and your friends and family to help you wrestle with the emotional issues which flow from the separation.
This, of course, does not mean rolling over. An experienced family lawyer can advise on the strengths and weaknesses of your position and so were to fight hardest if need be. It would help if you negotiated from a place of power. Focus on the facts and what you want to achieve, even if it feels like you are falling apart inside.
Here are four more top divorce tips for mums:
Don’t use children as a weapon – while you may feel hostile towards your husband and want to hurt him, doing this through the children is not the right way. They should still have a loving relationship with him, and he is still their dad.
Don’t let the finances get you down – the enormity of the task and going through everything to decide on the division of assets is daunting to most. This is compounded if your husband has dealt with all of the bills. Work through it carefully and ask your solicitor for help if you need it.Don’t be bullied into making decisions – your lawyer can help keep your partner at arm’s length if necessary. While you don’t want to stretch out the process by not responding to correspondence, you need time to consider that response.
If you can’t agree on parenting issues, consider mediation. It would help if you found a solution to this tricky area, and you will need to negotiate and compromise. Suppose you are struggling to break a stalemate. In that case, an independent mediator may be able to help you find a middle path without having to go to court and improve your communication for future issues.
Advice is easier to give than it is to take, I know, but following some of the points above at least should help you get through the divorce process intact and leave you in good shape to make a new start.